Thursday, December 06, 2007

Am I A Parent Or Not?

I need to rant about something.
Something that was said at my lunch table
That really hurt my feelings
And made me feel small.

The English teachers were talking
About how old the parents of their students were.
One teacher was taken aback when one said
Her mom was 32.
Everyone at my table ranges from around 33 to 26ish.

Some were commenting on how they just
Couldn't imagine having a child in high school
Right now at this point in their life.
They couldn't imagine parenting a teenager.

I looked at them and said, "Well, I have one in high school."
To them it didn't count because I didn't "have" her.
She's not REALLY mine.

Do you know how small that made me feel?
How it made me feel like I'm not a parent at all?
That you don't validate my family?

Am I just living with these people?
Are these my roommates?
The last time I checked, this is my family.
Because I'm not "legally" connected to my partner
Does everyone just think I'm single?

It really pisses me off.
We have been a family for five years
And I have considered Tammy's kids
As my own since the very beginning.

When I go to parent teacher conferences
Are they just laughing at me?
Are they saying...Who are you kidding?
Am I just fooling myself?


beth said...

Of course you are a parent. Our lives are not always recognized. I had a client tell me "at least you aren't married, you can go whenever you want to". And I thought, right "because the last 10 years and 2 kids doesn't bind us in any way????"
I don't know what they are thinking.
You any Tammy define your family, and whoever does't get's their loss.
I am sorry that the whole thing made you feel bad. I do think that many things that typical families take for granted...are a struggle for us. BUT in the end it makes the better, stronger families!

beth said...

HI Carrie,
I read your post last night, and felt really sad. Of course you are a love them, guide them, feed and clothe them, and take their "crap"....that makes you a parent.
Some people don't get's their loss. It seems to me that we spend a lot of time proving ourselves while really bad typical parents are just that: BAD PARENTS. BUT it's ok, because in the end, we are the better and stronger people.
I had a client tell me, "at least you are not married, you can leave whenever you want." SURE, because the last 10 years and 2 kids make no difference at all?????? WTF???

I am sorry that this happended to you while you were pregnant...because I am sure that your emotions on the topic are HIGH. Not that there is a good time to have people make you feel unworthy and not valid.....

You and Tammy define your family, and no one else can. Maybe they all need to see ALL ABOARD?

Keep blogging your feelings! Inconsiderate people SUCK.

Liz1971 said...

you are so much a parent to those kids.... and i'm sorry you were made to feel that way! i hope they realize how insensitive they were being. xo

Michele said...

Hi Carrie,
Of course you're a parent! and I'm sure a great one at that! They are the ones that are fools & who don't have a clue!! Sorry they hurt your feelings. Some people are just ignorant. btw I like your blog, Liz has it linked to hers that's how I found it.
you know mjmkstone from flickr :)

historygrl said...

yes, you are a parent. I'm not defending them - but maybe they were trashing those others because they had the kids so young, that's all - and then when you said that you had kids and you were the same age, they couldn't put it together. Feeble minds sometimes don't work so fast... don't worry about it. They would be lucky to be half the parent that you are.